Breathing The SSDD Mantra

chronicling the raves and rants of a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse as he drifts to the SSDD mantra... life can be boring, especially if you're bland to begin with. the world is round and it can make you a fool if you let it. stab the snooze. make a mark. crawl out of your TV celluloid and live a wicked life. because life's a bitch and you have to be a bitchier fuck-me-Freddy to live. viva la vida!

Home » Post Item » Of Fucked Up Christmas Tragedies, Stephen King Nuggets, and Young Masturbation Dreams

Of Fucked Up Christmas Tragedies, Stephen King Nuggets, and Young Masturbation Dreams

December 25, 2008

 I just celebrated the Christmas that fuckin’ sucked the most last night. Fuckin’ sucked like I could jump on top of a three-storey building and no fuck-me-Freddy soul would even care if my gory innards got splattered and my slimy cranial juices oozed on the gawddamn floor. Pretty typical case of SSDD, I’d tell.

Last night was spent with a great deal of soberness and pondering. Much to my chagrin, almost all of the people I was expecting to bump with were either in unproclaimed hiatus or were far away from home. What I foresaw as a Christmas at least filled with reunion chats and beer overdose turned out to be just a hoax prediction of some cheap clairvoyant in Quiapo. The high school buddies I wished to see spent Christmas leaving the town. My Baguio brothers are not in Baguio anymore and just as I have feared, the forged fellowship is now meant to broken. Worse, I tried calling HER only to be greeted by some automated drone telling me that the subscriber cannot be reached so could I please try my call later. Geez, so much effort about filing for vacation leaves this Christmas.

Save for Fred, the high school buddy who has considered me his eternal pal, everyone else was nowhere to be seen. No Hacel or Sheena or other high school potpourri folks to while the night with after the mass. Yes, Virginia, you read that right. As much as I despise this overrated holiday with a high dose of unadulterated revulsion, I have dragged my ass to the refuge of sinners and dopes not so much as to hear the father’s recycled homily but more so as a result of my closest high school friend’s unnerving nagging. Allow me to repost my Christmas Scrooge litany:

I have grown to become the most fucked up shrinking Scrooge this side of the archipelago and to be honest, I don’t celebrate Christmas with much gaiety; I just actually sleep after eating whatever has been served in the Noche Buena table (save, of course, if there are any drinking marathon to attend to). I’ve learned early on that the beer-bellied Santa every stupid child adores is nothing but a pumping pedophile marketing ploy for capitalists to earn more moolah.

For this narcissistic fuck-me-Freddy bastard, Christmas (like the friggin’ Twilight saga) is overrated. I mean, really now folks, we’re fooling ourselves if this is the only time of the year that we practice our selfless I’m-giving-you-this-gift grandstanding. If you really are that proverbial Good Samaritan, you can choose to be selfless and caring and giving and whatever positive adjective is usually being over-used during this season any time of the year and not only when the advent of Christmas arrives. But fuck you and all your smooching clan if you’re one of those who think they’re gawd-sent goodie-goodie creatures of society giving their piece of wealth and spreading pseudo-humanitarian good cause and good words to the poor and destitute only when December marks your calendars.

So there we were, Fred and I, sitting in one of the porches situated on the left wing of the church amidst a throng of rumor-mongers’ unending yadda yadda yadda. Stereotypical people who are far worse than the mecha’s of A.I. for being contented with a monotonous life without progress. Piteous folks who’d rather be still and not move while slowly being swallowed by the sinking quagmire of dreamless thoughts and vapid social norms.

In the middle of the reverend’s give-love-on-Christmas-day litanies that only a few of the multitude pseudo-pious-slash-genuine blatherskites have the resolve not to bore through, we had snippets of conversations of what’s ups and what-nots. He told me I changed, not only because I had the Zack clone do that I have loathed since its creation but more so because blatantly, I was speaking in an unrestrained tongue that spoke of failed dreams and bitchy life and hopes becoming hoaxes. I told him I was becoming tired, that being a “call boy” is slowly getting the nerve out of me. I confided life in Manila is already dragging me to death and I thought I deserved something better and I had no choice but to live with the same shit every different day. He felt the drudgery, the boredom that stabs and replied back, “At least you are still out there, trying to live out your dreams, not incarcerated here. Unlike me who has always liked to escape from this provincial stagnancy but being kept enchained still.”

Such horrendous truth. Sharp-stabbing truth that had me speechless for awhile. Truth, as they say, will set us free. I believe that it will. But at certain points, this fuckin’ truth is what has been imprisoning us behind bars of absurdity and pitch-black void. Queer, isn’t it? There we were, two young men in random musings about our how our lives are taking shape so far, oblivious of wasted spits and mutual post-Christmas mass coitus, and I could not help but be serious and ponder. The fact that life is a bitch had ruptured me in such unawareness that I had to think hard where the fuck exactly was I heading. Quite exactly, I ask my alter-ego, where do you think you’re going, you double douche bag friggin’ bastard?

I’m already in my early twenties and this fact just makes me all the more unsure of myself. My youth is my recluse and I am using it as an excuse to living this life as immaturely as I deem it to be. I rant about life being such a clusterfuck bitch because that is the only way I know to deal it with. I have dreams, big dreams that no sooner will become ashes forgotten if I let it happen. Reminds me of Stephen King and his indirect allusion to such stark truth. Dreams are for kids and once you become an adult it shrinks. And you can never go back to pursuing it anymore.

So I have to move, to be always on the run, grinding, seizing to halt, because time is not on my side. If I want to realize my dreams, then I should do something to make them a reality. If I don’t want to be part of the fuckin’ statistics of lifeless drones and braggart bastards, then I have to learn the trick of life’s trade. This is not how I would want my life to end up being. And this is not how I thought this Christmas post would turn out. But then again, there’s always you who molds it, and directs it, until it becomes something that is oddly reflective of you.

Someday, somehow, I will read this post with either eventual maturity over petty youth rants and whining verbal diarrheas or with a destitute defeat forever in search of life’s fucked up significance, forever a vagabond of perished dreams and hopes gone hoaxes.

Sheesh! I’m becoming a tad deep, I see. Oh well, so much fuss about this fuckin’ Christmas tragedy. In the mean time, excuse my Plato idiosyncrasy. I deserve a friggin’ cold Stallion bottle – with or without company. 

Posted by ssdd at 9:23 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

indeed life’s a bitch and we all die bro.. but its our own choice too if we want to die happy and content or die whining and miserable..

astig artik bro..hindi dahil bida ako pero astig talaga..

definitely, your dreams my dreams will come true.

just be patient.. Fate is testing you..

Just pass the board and then lets have beer together…hehhehe

Posted by Fred Thirst at December 26, 2008, 3:21 pm

you’re the nth person who mentioned about this season and feeling fucked up. i wonder why. i have been blue these days too. i know one reason why and it’s just out of control, i feel helpless. one day, i decided to ask some old friends. we bought 3 in 1 ice cream, went to the sea and ate it with some junk food. we’re all in our early 20’s and we all feel lost. but i know what i want. to see towns and cities and sunsets, kiss someone i really love and take a bath daily and smile. i wonder why it’s too hard to achieve these days. not the take a bath thing bit, btw.

Posted by tinay at December 27, 2008, 11:22 am

@fred thirst: just for purposes of curiosity, i think i wanna try dying miserable and whining. joke lang xempre.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
astig ka jan! pinplastik mo na naman ako porke bida ka. hahaha. pero salamat na rin sa flattery.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
your dreams, my dreams, everybody’s dreams…world peace na lang pwede? hehehe.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
pacenxa yang puke ng inang patience na yan. patience is a virtue and i’m not a virtuous man. and yes, i think i wanna test fate as well. magtestingan na lang kaming dalwa. lol!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
next year, malapit na bro. makikita mo na pangalan ko sa obituary, este…sa front page ng dyaryo pala. topnotcher na! hahaha! asa! let’s drink to that! :D

Posted by ssdd at December 27, 2008, 3:35 pm

@tinay: i think that’s a natural reflex of early 20 peeps towards dealing with their pathetic lives. they whine and feel fucked up and feel blue and void. your dreams are honest and simple and true. i wish you the earnest faith that you realize it sooner than you expect it. my dreams are grandiose and complicated and ambitious. i hope i can have the determination and courage to pursue it. here’s to the realization of our far-fetched dreams. *stallion kampay*

Posted by ssdd at December 27, 2008, 3:42 pm

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ain't this friggin' narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard cute?

anonymous.jpg

 

A lot of people tell me I’m special. Of course I freakin’ am! You don’t have to stress the obvious. That’s being redundant.

 

I’m a friggin’ yuppie in his early twenties but looks even younger than his age, sometimes mistaken for a scrawny 17-year-old virgin and as such, I have decided to become eternally twenty to be on the safe side. I am slaving the ephemeral call center whoring job as of the moment but one day, I will become a fuckin’ proud CPA topnotcher. Being a perfectionist who does not conform to stereotypes and anything commonplace, I abhor senseless, pointless discussions by nitwits but adore intellectual discourses from remarkable geniuses in the same league with the caliber of my neurons and synapses.

 


I like wearing black shirts even if black is not a color and I love drinking Red Horse booze with pineapple syrup or GSM Blue enhanced by acerbic Sprite when the night is hugged by penis-shrinking coldness in Baguio. I am left-handed and I like to draw but that does not mean I am dumb at Math. Along with English, Math was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I love to watch anything shocking, gross and bizarre; in fact, I find scenes of decapitated heads and messy, blood-soaked innards oddly engaging. I think I'm eclectic.

 


When my half-Chinese dad chickened out, I got robbed of my childhood phase real quick and was forced to live out the family man title. That was also the time that I bade goodbye to the princely way of living in Manila and said hello to the clusterfuck pauper proletariat life in the province. Being the smartass that I am, I excelled academically and graduated half-wishing I had a worthy adversary in the mold of Einstein or da Vinci to sharpen my not-fully-developed cranial muscles. But if you ask me of my biggest achievement so far, I would have to tell you that’s when I sent my sister to schooling and saw her taking her oath as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer. I chose to put my dreams in the back seat for her, you see.

 


When I was still in school, I thought my seatmates were drooling retards and I was an effin’ superior child unworthy to be kept inside such a fucked up pig pen. For chrissake, I deserve something far better than those freakin’ bozos! So if I could choose who I want to share the claustrophobic classroom with, I’d pick Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Jessica Zafra, Patricia Evangelista, Conrado de Quiroz, Bob Ong and Scott Garceau hands down. They’re authors, if you’re that stupid, by the way.

 

I do not possess the vapid handsomely looks of dumb celebrity stars (they only have the looks but they don’t have that thing in between the ears, anyway) but I am not ugly either. I think I’m cute and as in my penis, my looks could be thrown up there in the above-average file. I am narcissistic and unsurprisingly, I find satisfaction in looking at myself in mirrors. There’s one flaw in my nearly perfect personality though. I am horizontally-challenged and that actually makes me less handsome than I should be. People have been telling me that had I been given a mesomorph frame, I would surely qualify as a handsome dork. Fine, I’ll hit the gym once I find the time. But then again, I’ve always been busy.

 P1170442 copy.jpg 

 

I love writing and someday, when I’ve already reached the stars and danced under stardust sprinkles, I will write the Great Filipino Novel that will put the Philippines in the world literary map. In the meantime though, I content myself with polluting the Internet bandwidth with fuck-me-Freddy rants and unlimited R18 invectives.


I am a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse and this blog is my first attempt in realizing my idiosyncratic world domination plots. There are currently almost 6.7 billion suckers lurking out there contributing nothing to society but vomit-inducing stupidity. Most of these people are worthy to be guillotined to death for harking out such idiotic yadda yadda's.

 

If you believe in this horrendous truth, then join me in ridding the macrocosm of these useless, pathetic twits. If you're the twit, though, go find someone to savor your last fornication on earth and then prepare to be annihilated. The world will be a better place to live in without you, anyway.



This is my blog. You either love me or hate me. Adding me in your blog roll list is fine but don't expect that I will publish your effin' you're-going-to-hell comment. And yes, I don't do ex-links. That's being pathetic. The blogs in my  blog roll are those that I peruse regularly and normally, I don't tell these people I've added them in the list. If you find that offending or for whatever reason, you feel it is an invasion of your privacy rights, just let me know. I'll scrap your site in the list real quick. Otherwise, consider it a form of flattery.

 

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I AM NOW WILLING TO DO EX-LINKS. ALL THESE BLOGGERS WHO WILLINGLY PERUSED THIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLOG MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND. SO YES, YOU CAN NOW COMMENT USING A "NICE POST! EX-LINK?" TEMPLATE. HAPPY?

 

Caution: Breathing the SSDD Mantra is my idiosyncrasy in print. If you can't take the heat in this ranting oven, close the tab and  go screw your next-door neighbor's wife, you pathetic little twit!

 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

1_300566795l. jpg

 

douche bag diatribe unlmtd.

go friggin' plagiarize others' works instead

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been harry pottered since the philosopher's and when the saga died down in deathly hallows, i got pottered just the same...sigh!

one effin' proof why pinoys are waaay more superior than their occidental brethrens in the history of friggin' humanity

shaving off the angst-ridden bastardness in me (play with my hamster using your mouse pointer)

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mai:

iloveyou. fuck me

mai:

hi pasukan mo nga ko.

toni:

gusto namin pmnta ng dasol (tambobong beach) meron bang place dun to stay overnight or any contact?

ssdd:

Damn, thank you for such strong flattery madam! You may want to stalk me still at thessddboy.com

cat:

You are so damn right. you’re extraordinarily talented. :)

YanaH:

oist adik!!!!!!! san ka? baket hindi ka maramdaman ng blogworld? hahahahaha

ssdd:

@vanvan & kitkat: wag mag-away…alang alang sa alaala ni master rapper kiko. mahal ko ang lahat ng bumibisita sa walang kwentang kutang ‘to. powerhugz! :D

~kitkat~:

@vanvan hehe kakompetensya din pla kita??? aw wlang dirty game ha…hahahhaha bsta ako lab ko c lio loco aalagaan ko sya…hndi ko sya kras mahal ko c lioloco lab ko yan mwah!!! honeykooch ko yan e ^_^

vanvan:

ngwaste ako ng golden time sa pagbabasa ng mga nakasulat dito..me lablayp ka na pala..wala ka man lang warning..bad lio loco loco..sabi ko na nga ba eh..i should be over you!!..aheks..pakiss nga..dami dami naman kasing ngkakras sau..kakaloka..

~kitkat~:

honeykooch mahilig k pla uminom??? wag ka masyado magiinum kc nakakalaki ng tyan tapos bka macra ung atay mo ^_^ paalala lng drink moderately kc lab kita mwah!! ayoko magkasakit ka dahil sa alak mwah!!! ingat k plagi ha mwah!

~kitkat~:

eneweis miss u mwah lab u!!! ingat k plagi ha ^_^ God Bless mmmmwwwaaahhhhhuuugggzzz!!!!

~kitkat~:

natutuliro knb saken hehehehe gsto ko yan pero mas gsto ko ung naiinlab kn saken hahahahhaha ang kapal ko noh dpa nmn tyu magkakilala personally..tsk panu nmn kita makikilala e wla nko sa makati pero ok lng kc maghahanap ako ng trabaho dyan dyan lng din sa makati hahahha bibili nko ng dyaryo bukas manila bulletin am shore madami dun hehehehhe kya bka magkasalabungan n ulet tyu sa daan un nga lng dko alam ikaw n pla un…hehhehehehe

~kitkat~:

ah e na layoff nko…ngayun ko lng nabsa ang powerhugz msg mo kya wla nko trabaho so sad..dko nga alam anu mararamdaman ko e nagaalala kc ako bka mauubos ko ung separation pay ko ng wla prin akong trabho hahahahha pero alam ko n madami akong pedeng patusin n trabaho kc mdami cla dyan hahahahahahha un lng e kung papatusin din nila ako dba ganun lng un hahhahaha

ssdd:

@~kitkat~: natutuliro naman daw ako sa’yo. di ko alam kung dito o sa taas na shoutbox ako magrereply. ahehehe. dayoff ko ngayon. kaya inuman galore. hehehe. recession na ba jan? tsk tsk. sana hindi ka naman matanggal. mahirap alang trabaho ngayon eh. eto ang powerhugs pang-goodluck charm! hehehe. powerhugz! :D

~kitkat~:

hahahahha gsto ko yan powerhugz mo yum!!! hahahahahaha kras mo pla c sara geronimo wweeee wla lng…
kmusta k nmn??? musta kn dyan sa work mo??? d2 samen e nagtatanggalan na e…tapos napanaginipan ko n nagsara na tapos ako lng daw ang hndi binayran tsk tsk tsk masakit un dba…buti nlng at panaginip lng lahat…uu nga pla mahilig kb sa computer games???

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