Breathing The SSDD Mantra

chronicling the raves and rants of a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse as he drifts to the SSDD mantra... life can be boring, especially if you're bland to begin with. the world is round and it can make you a fool if you let it. stab the snooze. make a mark. crawl out of your TV celluloid and live a wicked life. because life's a bitch and you have to be a bitchier fuck-me-Freddy to live. viva la vida!

Because My Sleepless Subconscious is Yearning for You

December 20, 2008

 

I attempt

to weave these

empty words in the hope

that someday, somehow you

will bring back the naïve smile

that had me sinking like poor Jack:

weak yet contented over seeing his

Rose for the last glimpse before

he finally gets swallowed by

the depths of icebergs

and loneliness,

yearning.

 

 

I had to go

because I thought

you longed for embraces,

soothing warmth,  passionate  breath

far better than I could offer. But you don’t

have to tell me your sighs; I will own the fault

for assuming that you yearned  for the

dashing prince who will wake you

 up from your melancholy.

I am an ugly frog,

You see.

 

 

I hope that

you realize I am

a Van Gogh, an aberration

in a society of pretensions, perverts

and dogs cowering for measly leftovers.

I do not belong to this ephemeral place;

but you taught me to feel, to love,

 to realize there can be ease in

this maddening crowd of

pains and anguish.

 

 

 

You are

the wings of ethereal

beauty that plucked me from

the withering tree of sins and solitude;

you who changed me, showed me there

are things that I cannot fathom, there

are emotions that I cannot help

but feel and accept and

share with others,

with you.

 

 

Now

I will not lie

and beg off, pretending

that I did not feel uncontained bliss –

dancing, rioting in the swirling jungle of my

wickedness and narcissism — upon learning

that your wings, those heavenly arcs

that had me eat my words

afterwards, are free

to fly again.

 

This time

around, I am ready

to wait, wait till you reach my

hand and show me how it feels to fly

with you; even if it takes eternity, if the

Apocalypse gets in the way, till the clichéd orange

fruit grows in an apple tree. This time around, I am

ready to offer my left ear when the Starry

Night begins to weave magic and

remind me of you, my ardor,

my veneration to an

angel like you.

 

   

*I am not good with verses; I am more confident when I write prose instead. But I was able to weave these words after not being able to sleep today as I used to. Drat! The odd feeling is crawling up my spine again. I hate this feeling. Makes me look like that jologs Robin Padilla character revealing his feelings to Regine Velasquez agitatedly.I think I’m falling in love again. Sheesh!

Posted by ssdd at 12:44 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

haaaaaaaaay. this sigh. this sigh full of Bjork’s voice and hushes. you just penned everything a woman wants to read. wants to fall down and fall in-love again when the sun begins to reign, after a rainy dawn. :)

you are a poet by heart. nevermind the d***. :P

Posted by tinay at December 20, 2008, 3:25 pm

hi its me again I was stunned and cant get myself not to read your blogs everyday. I was inspired everytime i read this kind of poet coming from the heart of a guy whose my first impression is easy go lucky and irresponsible (kapatid ate nitz mu to). But after the hearsays and compliments i have heard hmm your family is lucky to have you ang bait mung kuya. And your girl of your dream hmm sorry na lng xa kapatid kung indi ka nya type or gusto..Peo advice lng ha kapatid wag todo kailangang my itira ka sa self mu ^_^..gudlak to us next year kita kits sa board exam. Hahaah sana maging CPA kana rin. Sa susunod mung written output im sure babasahin ko nanaman un sana oks lng sau. Thanks Godbless

Posted by nitz at December 20, 2008, 4:41 pm

december na kase.. december ang bagong buwan ng mga puso. haha

kakantahan na lang kita ng isa sa paborito kong kanta ng the beatles.

There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.

nothing you can see that isn’t shown.

nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.

it’s easy.

All you need is love

Posted by FerBert at December 20, 2008, 6:32 pm

@tinay: i can be a poet once in a fuckin’ blue moon, i guess. i can be a poet when i’m in love. and yes, that’s with or without my d***. :D

Posted by ssdd at December 20, 2008, 11:31 pm

@nitz: hahaha! don’t think of it as an impression. i AM really happy-go-lucky and well, sometimes irresponsible! thanks for visiting my mundane thoughts ate nitz. and my appreciation as well for lauding my family man title. if i have to brag about any accomplishment, that’s being able to support my family (my mom and my sister) singlehandedly. the girl of my dreams is apparently, also the girl of papa resty’s dreams. haha! yes po. will keep that advice in mind. gudlak din sau. kitakits! daan lang te habang may naisusulat pa ko. hehehe. :D

Posted by ssdd at December 20, 2008, 11:37 pm

@ferbert: tumpak! mas romantiko nga ang december kesa sa february. siguro dahil malamig ang simoy ng hangin at masarap talaga pag may kayakap sa ganitong mga panahon. hehehe. parekoi, eto na ung payo mong wag susuko next taym. hinding hindi na talga. lalo na ngau’t libre na ang girl of my dreams. hehehe. peksman! :D

Posted by ssdd at December 20, 2008, 11:44 pm

i agree on, all we need is love thing, that will lead us to a state of nirvana..shit parekoi yor inlab agen!..hihi..ngayon alam ko na, softy ka rin pala.hihi..cheers!

Posted by alx at December 22, 2008, 11:43 am

wow…ala ako masabi….
di ako ngcocoment with the other blog you post, pero dito siguro 101% saludo ako sayo, pero sana di lng sa tula or sa pag-sulat kailangan ipahayag ang nararadaman natin, pano nya malalaman kung di ka ppnta sa palasyo nya para ipahayag na handa kang magsilbi sa kanya na bilang isang kabalyero na handa mu ibigay lahat at isakripisyo para sa kanya…alang-alang s pag-ibig mu n nadarama…
hay……. sarap magmahal…
kyrptonite bagay na kanta para sayo…hehehehe…. dan-dan rules….

Posted by dan-dan at December 22, 2008, 1:46 pm

@alx: right on, dude! all we need is love…and then some steamy sex. haha. softy? whaddafuck?! hahaha. on the second thought, guess i am. *kampay sa bote ng stallion* :D

Posted by ssdd at December 22, 2008, 4:46 pm

@dan-dan: ayun. nagcomment din sa wakas. bawal dito ang magbasa nang di nagcocomment, alam mo ba un? lalo na pag may R18 bart simpson shirt na ibinigay. hehehe. napakalalim ng tinuran mo daddy. feeling ko mahuhulog na ko sa bangin. hehehe. nag-iipon lang ako ng kapal sa muka daddy. malapit na kong pumunta sa palasyo nia. sarap talaga magmahal! salamat sa song dedication. merry xmas daddy! salamat ule sa shirt. regaluhan kita ng babae para magbreak na kayo ni leny. hehehe. :D

Posted by ssdd at December 22, 2008, 4:50 pm

This made me think of you as the mushiest guy in the planet. Really. Or maybe this is really romanticized, but I can read you in between the lines! LOL.

Kidding.

No, but really. You’re mushy like that.

GAWD I LOVE THAT PAINTING. That’s by… who’s-that-again?

Posted by Kevin at December 23, 2008, 8:10 pm

@kevin: yeah, i know. but when you come to think of it, we can be the least person that we expect ourselves to be when we’re in love. if this girl reciprocates, then the hell i care for being the mushiest person in the entire macrocosm. it’s all worth it! lol!
================================
the painting’s by van gogh. it’s called starry night as you might have read, i’m alluding myself to him and my love to this girl to his famous painting. if i am to be asked who i would be in the past life, i will choose van gogh without batting an eyelash. he is brilliant but romantic as well and as in all geniuses, is misunderstood by the people in a fucked up, conforming society who are so lucky to have someone like him in their midst. :D

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ain't this friggin' narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard cute?

anonymous.jpg

 

A lot of people tell me I’m special. Of course I freakin’ am! You don’t have to stress the obvious. That’s being redundant.

 

I’m a friggin’ yuppie in his early twenties but looks even younger than his age, sometimes mistaken for a scrawny 17-year-old virgin and as such, I have decided to become eternally twenty to be on the safe side. I am slaving the ephemeral call center whoring job as of the moment but one day, I will become a fuckin’ proud CPA topnotcher. Being a perfectionist who does not conform to stereotypes and anything commonplace, I abhor senseless, pointless discussions by nitwits but adore intellectual discourses from remarkable geniuses in the same league with the caliber of my neurons and synapses.

 


I like wearing black shirts even if black is not a color and I love drinking Red Horse booze with pineapple syrup or GSM Blue enhanced by acerbic Sprite when the night is hugged by penis-shrinking coldness in Baguio. I am left-handed and I like to draw but that does not mean I am dumb at Math. Along with English, Math was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I love to watch anything shocking, gross and bizarre; in fact, I find scenes of decapitated heads and messy, blood-soaked innards oddly engaging. I think I'm eclectic.

 


When my half-Chinese dad chickened out, I got robbed of my childhood phase real quick and was forced to live out the family man title. That was also the time that I bade goodbye to the princely way of living in Manila and said hello to the clusterfuck pauper proletariat life in the province. Being the smartass that I am, I excelled academically and graduated half-wishing I had a worthy adversary in the mold of Einstein or da Vinci to sharpen my not-fully-developed cranial muscles. But if you ask me of my biggest achievement so far, I would have to tell you that’s when I sent my sister to schooling and saw her taking her oath as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer. I chose to put my dreams in the back seat for her, you see.

 


When I was still in school, I thought my seatmates were drooling retards and I was an effin’ superior child unworthy to be kept inside such a fucked up pig pen. For chrissake, I deserve something far better than those freakin’ bozos! So if I could choose who I want to share the claustrophobic classroom with, I’d pick Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Jessica Zafra, Patricia Evangelista, Conrado de Quiroz, Bob Ong and Scott Garceau hands down. They’re authors, if you’re that stupid, by the way.

 

I do not possess the vapid handsomely looks of dumb celebrity stars (they only have the looks but they don’t have that thing in between the ears, anyway) but I am not ugly either. I think I’m cute and as in my penis, my looks could be thrown up there in the above-average file. I am narcissistic and unsurprisingly, I find satisfaction in looking at myself in mirrors. There’s one flaw in my nearly perfect personality though. I am horizontally-challenged and that actually makes me less handsome than I should be. People have been telling me that had I been given a mesomorph frame, I would surely qualify as a handsome dork. Fine, I’ll hit the gym once I find the time. But then again, I’ve always been busy.

 P1170442 copy.jpg 

 

I love writing and someday, when I’ve already reached the stars and danced under stardust sprinkles, I will write the Great Filipino Novel that will put the Philippines in the world literary map. In the meantime though, I content myself with polluting the Internet bandwidth with fuck-me-Freddy rants and unlimited R18 invectives.


I am a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse and this blog is my first attempt in realizing my idiosyncratic world domination plots. There are currently almost 6.7 billion suckers lurking out there contributing nothing to society but vomit-inducing stupidity. Most of these people are worthy to be guillotined to death for harking out such idiotic yadda yadda's.

 

If you believe in this horrendous truth, then join me in ridding the macrocosm of these useless, pathetic twits. If you're the twit, though, go find someone to savor your last fornication on earth and then prepare to be annihilated. The world will be a better place to live in without you, anyway.



This is my blog. You either love me or hate me. Adding me in your blog roll list is fine but don't expect that I will publish your effin' you're-going-to-hell comment. And yes, I don't do ex-links. That's being pathetic. The blogs in my  blog roll are those that I peruse regularly and normally, I don't tell these people I've added them in the list. If you find that offending or for whatever reason, you feel it is an invasion of your privacy rights, just let me know. I'll scrap your site in the list real quick. Otherwise, consider it a form of flattery.

 

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I AM NOW WILLING TO DO EX-LINKS. ALL THESE BLOGGERS WHO WILLINGLY PERUSED THIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLOG MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND. SO YES, YOU CAN NOW COMMENT USING A "NICE POST! EX-LINK?" TEMPLATE. HAPPY?

 

Caution: Breathing the SSDD Mantra is my idiosyncrasy in print. If you can't take the heat in this ranting oven, close the tab and  go screw your next-door neighbor's wife, you pathetic little twit!

 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

1_300566795l. jpg

 

douche bag diatribe unlmtd.

go friggin' plagiarize others' works instead

been harry pottered since the philosopher's and when the saga died down in deathly hallows, i got pottered just the same...sigh!

one effin' proof why pinoys are waaay more superior than their occidental brethrens in the history of friggin' humanity

shaving off the angst-ridden bastardness in me (play with my hamster using your mouse pointer)

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