This is Me…Now! « lio loco

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This is Me…Now!

December 1, 2008

There’s something about a pair of scissors and high swivel chairs that gets the goose bumps running mad in my system. I don’t know about you but the clippity clip of the shears trimming my tresses makes me gnash my teeth to death. It’s like paying a cheap bitch, all in her spoiled meat glory, for a night and not knowing whether you’re already part of the growing AIDS statistics the very next day.

To be honest, I have never liked the smell of newly cut hair droppings and talcum powders because it only reminded me of all the barber butchering that I went through in my two decades and counting of existence. Several times I went inside that blue-and-red-and-white-swirling post parlor with high hopes of emphasizing how bastardly beautiful I am like the ancient Narcissus but several times, I went away with a cold slap of reality check and an ugly haircut from Mars as a consolation.

Back in high school, my teacher has always been mindful about good grooming and all that shit that whenever she finds a boy in the class with a girl’s hair (read: long and wavy), she bugs that head-banging, Metallica-mooching kid to get a haircut or else. An “unteacherly” act I believe that reminded you how that despotic moustache ordered annihilation of thousands of Jews mercilessly. I had my fair share of the beating and when I showed up the next day with the new do, I half-wished I was back in my mom’s womb again so as not to hear the shitty remarks like “Who cut your hair? You look horrible!” or “Is the person who cut your hair still alive?”. The meek kid that I was, I had to bear with the crappy comments and had to wear a Bench baseball cap to hide the by-product of the infamous barber butchering for one freakin’ month.

You can only imagine then what a nightmare of sorts it was for me when I finally had my mane trimmed yesterday.

My hair, already rapidly growing like rampant corruption in this friggin’ country, has become itchy and unbearable. Split ends and wavy curls aside, I have found it too irritating to sleep after my shift not because of the blinding sunlight in the vines but because of the constant pricking that my neck has been subjected to. Too many times, especially when the city air in the apartment is too hot to endure, I have found myself waking up in the middle of my Jennifer Lopez coitus dreams gasping for breath not because I am about to reach the point of no return but because I’m sweating like a hoisted pig in spite of the electric fan in full blast and thus, making the ends of my curls as weapons of mass destruction. So much about the constant consternation about not cutting my hair to finally experience the wicked ponytail hairstyle of rock demigods.

And so, with no one to accompany me to the wretched salon (yes, Virginia, for all the pricey cost just for a sheer trimming, the hair house has to be called a salon, not a bland barbershop), I trudged the path going to Recto’s own brand of air-cooling pit stop for bummers and finally decided to bid adieu with the long John Lennon locks. Blame it on some friends’ disgusting conio crap and capitalistic upbringing but I surprisingly willed my way to the famed Bench Hair Fix Salon to be barber-butchered once again.

A digression: I bear a quarter of the blood of the thrifty Chinese within my veins and I do not let go of my hard-earned moolah that easy. I find it unreasonable to spend extravagantly over some measly haircut much less shelve close to two hundred bucks just for some society-bound tidy hair-do.

The barber (uh…is it appropriate to call a hair cutter confused of “its” gender a barber?), a big man with a shining fuchsia lip gloss painting his/her lips that made an impression he/she just ate crispy pata for lunch and a Gretchen Barreto hairstyle to boot, asked me what type of hair cut do I want. I said it would only be “just a trim, please maintain the seemingly Korean male protagonist’s essence of the hair.” The uh…barber nodded and I felt he/she knew what she would be doing. So I sat there and watched him/her work her way over my growing, Wu Chun-ese hair.

Snip. Snip. Snip. I am still okay so far, the tresses were still long. I even found the shampoo they lathered on my hair earlier quite intoxicatingly good. Fear factor check: Nada. Snip. Snip. Snip. I was already feeling that dreaded fear, which was dormant for awhile. Hair trimmings were dropping quickly left, right, and center. For some reason, I feel the pain of US corporations badly hit by the economic crisis. Snip. Snip. Snip. Jeezuzchrist! Whaddafuck? What was he/she doing with my hair? I quipped, “Uh, it’s just a trim please. No need to overdo it.” He/she quipped back, “Right. Just making sure you look like the next Koreanovela star.” He smiled like Snow White’s wicked step mother. I sighed and said, “I think that’s it. It’s fine already. Thank you very much.” So he/she delivered the finishing touches, dabbed some expensive Bench mat here and there, used his fingers to sway the hair left, right and center, and before I knew it, I looked back at the mirror with a reincarnation of a morphed Cloud and Zack of Final Fantasy fame.

So now, I am an anime clone and I will be bearing with this spiky do for Gawd-knows-how-may-months before I go back to my beloved John Lennon locks. Judging the reception of my friends over my new do, however, I think shelving out close to two hundred bucks for a mere shear is justifiable. They said it fit my slit-eyed Chinese features and brought the bastardly beautiful Narcissus out in me. Haha!

Oh well, this is the new me and despite all the shitty dread and all the crap I went through, I think I am liking the new do a bit more.

Posted by ssdd at 7:10 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

gwapo ka na ngaun.. ndi n cute.. hehe..dahil yan sa 2 scoops ng selecta ice cream sa may ministop.. hehe.. fren, ingat sa mga gals.. at gays na rin.. hehe

Posted by tina at December 2, 2008, 2:03 pm

check mo multiply ko.. kamukha ko si wolverine.. haha.. pareho kame ng buhok.. mahirap ayusin.. nagpapahaba ako eh..

wow chinito.. gwapo ka siguro..

may kapatid ka bang babae? o kahit pinsan na lang pakilala mo sakin.. mga ganyan ang tipo ko eh chinita.. hahaha joke lang

Posted by FerBert at December 4, 2008, 4:38 am

@tina: haha. tingin mo kaya fren, pwede na ule akong tumaktiks kay fretz? hehehe.

@ferbert: ano nga ba multiply mo? ang masasabi ko lang, beauty is subjective. ergo, pwedeng gwapo ako sa iba, sa iba hindi. hehehe. pareho tau. chinita rin mga tipo ko. may utol ako, si sean ung engr. pero sorry bro. may boypren na un eh. pinsan, marami. hehehe.

Posted by ssdd at December 5, 2008, 1:08 am

This is the first entry I read out of your entire blog with expectations to gain a few insights on the new Lio, but it seems the Lio I once knew hasn't really changed (and I mean it as a compliment). My my, you sure know how to express your angsts with regards to the increasing degradation of hairstylists and hair cuts. And as usual, the disappointment in finding the perfect hair godmother sinks in. xD

Posted by Scye at December 9, 2008, 3:22 pm

wow! got a new reader finally! well, i think the fact that i knew you since college would qualify you more aptly as an OLD reader. haha! be that as it may, thanks scye for droppin’ by. and yes, it’s still the new me sans the old two letter nick. i’m going by the moniker “lio loco” here in the blogosphere to avert the deluge of celebrity star mob that might ensue had my two readers known who i really am. so for future reference, please address me as lio ayt? i prize my anonymity. lol!

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