Breathing The SSDD Mantra

chronicling the raves and rants of a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse as he drifts to the SSDD mantra... life can be boring, especially if you're bland to begin with. the world is round and it can make you a fool if you let it. stab the snooze. make a mark. crawl out of your TV celluloid and live a wicked life. because life's a bitch and you have to be a bitchier fuck-me-Freddy to live. viva la vida!

Home » Post Item » Uh, Stephenie Meyer Who?

Uh, Stephenie Meyer Who?

November 26, 2008

 I just don’t get it. 

 

All this unjustified adulation over a sissy read about an immaculate fanged boy’s and a pretty young bitch’s love story is overrated. Okay, so I’m risking myself to an avalanche of hate mails from shrieking teenage girls but the hell I care! Go screw your mother-fuckin’ Twilight tits. LOL! It’s a good thing I’m not from the US as I am aware the ridiculously large fan base is mainly situated in that side of the globe. Also, this blog is only religiously perused by a handful few – me, my friends, and my egotistical, narcissistic alter ego. So I think I’m pretty safe to lambast the novel.

 

On with the rant, shall we?

 

What is it that pre-pubescent Eves find in reading a book about a sappy love story whose plot is as lame as the title of the book itself? Have not they had their fill of similar, recycled reads involving the same stupid plot across all media? It’s pretty much a rehash of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, only sprinkled with a bit of vampire action here and there. For me, the only brilliant vampire story churned out that would qualify for much-deserved acclaim is Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire. That one kicked ass, really! But this one? For chrissake, it doesn’t even compare. It’s as trite and banal as perusing over a love story pocketbook in vernacular - yes, that one with orgiastic moans and steaming sex scenes come halfway in the narrative.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I tried but tried in vain to read Stephanie, err…Stephenie Meyer’s (See, even the correct spelling of the author’s name skips my mind, only shows how repugnant the novel really is; well, at least to this pessimistic blogger’s point of view) overly celebrated book. Curious about why apparently is it getting a lot of raves from shrieking dormitory girls and sentimental mama’s alike, I browsed thru an e-book copy of the novel and boy was I dazed. Was it really dazed? To put it bluntly, I was hallucinating over a verbal barrage of flamboyant sentences that I had to stop reading before I could even go past the denouement. Almost all of the sentences were giving me a headache. This Miss Meyer author, I have come to conclude that she has an odd penchant over adjectives and adverbs and everything polysyllable. Case in point: What I would normally write as “I love you” would have a Meyer translation of “I charmingly adore you with all the throbbing veins in my bivalve coronary organ.”

 

And I haven’t even started on the characters yet. The female protagonist is portrayed as someone who ogles over a handsome boy-slash-dashing vampire every time they meet. Yes, I know that this Bella girl is smitten by the looks of this beautiful Edward, so can we please move on with the story Miss Meyer? No need to be redundant and reiterate the same observation over and over again. And what-the-fuck, have you ever seen a vampire that does not kill his prey, much less bite at his victim’s neck? I tell you it is too lame and unless you want to reminisce your Sweet Valley High pocketbook romances, then I advise you to chuck the novel right out of your window.

 

So yes, Virginia, I abhor this overrated Twilight novel and I am disgusted that it is even touted as the next Harry Potter. How  dare these tasteless, incorrigible literary swine! It’s not even fit for comparison to begin with. Rowling’s characters has depth and breadth and they breathe a life of their own. They’re only creations of fiction but you’d know they can be real. They’re likeable and you can relate to their fictitious dilemmas. Meyer’s, on the other hand, are too one-dimensional, cardboard box marionettes that certainly would never exist in real life or even be reborn in the next after-lfe. Somebody wise once said that fiction is a mirror of reality, it is an adaptation of what really happens in the genuine society. If this is is the argument, ergo Twilight is not a fiction. Or at it’s worst, a bad adaptation of reality.

 

This 28th, my company is taking all its call center agents to the cinemas for a treat and guess what we’re watching? You got that right, the screen adaptation of this lackluster Twilight novel. Apparently, our company has caught this Twilight bug and has decided to jump into the bandwagon. Our schedule in Greenbelt happens to be just after our shift and being the nocturnal vampire that I am,  I can’t think of a better way to deal with my loving company’s act of generosity than to sleep thru the movie till the credits begin to roll.

 

 Lights, camera…Twilight! Zzzzzzzzzzz….

Posted by ssdd at 5:45 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

Haha! I’ve been looking for posts like these.. It’s nice to see others seeing through the teeny-bopper, overrated phenomenon that is twilight.. What should just have been a crappy romantic novel turned into a full-blown facade of an epic vampire saga. +1! :)

Posted by Meric at November 26, 2008, 8:34 pm

Rar. I remember Laura Hillenbrand. She’s also in love with polysyllabic words and everything. :P What I really like to find in an author is that capability of producing a moving prose/poetry habang gumagamit ng mga salitang tama lang. Hindi exaggerated, hindi simple. :P

And in this post, it sounds like Meyer’s NOT that author. But I have to find out.

“I charmingly adore you with all the throbbing veins in my bivalve coronary organ.” Talk about sabaw verbosity.

Oh well, it really is overrated.

Posted by Kevin at November 27, 2008, 4:20 pm

@kevin: i have nothing against this ms meyer author. it’s just that all this friggin’ you’ve-got-to-see-this-twilight ruckus is getting on my nerves. really. btw, the case in point i gave is not found in the book. just tried to mimick how she would write it.

@meric: it is overrated, indeed. well, at least from this blogger’s point of view. but i’m giving the benefit of the doubt for those going gaga over the lame vampire and his bitch princess (eelch!). after all, beauty is subjective. ergo, i see twilight as trash but others see it as worth reading. oh well, overrated or not overrated though, i guess i’ll still be dragged to the cinemas by teammates later for the film adaptation. let’s see which one is better (or worse, perhaps? lol).

Posted by ssdd at November 27, 2008, 10:37 pm

RJR Beauty Ind” is an established company involved in Manufacturing and Exporting of high quality “Manicure/Pedicure, Beauty care & Beauty Salons instruments”. We are supplying following products worldwide Barber Scissor Edge T.C Titanium Scissors Nail & Cuticle Scissors Nail & Cuticle Nippers Nail & Cuticle Pushers Nail Cutters Acrylic Nail Tip Cutters Manicure/Pedicure Kits Tweezers Kindly visit for more products information Thank you, Moyra Parker General Manager 59 C, Small Industrial Estate Sialkot- 51310, Pakistan. Tel: 8103467 Cell: 92-300-6179667 92-334-8071045 Fax: 92-52-3550398 Web: www.rjr-beauty.com E-mail: info@rjr-beauty.com rjrbeauty@hotmail.com rjrbeautyind@ymail.com

Posted by Moyra Parker at July 4, 2010, 8:26 pm

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ain't this friggin' narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard cute?

anonymous.jpg

 

A lot of people tell me I’m special. Of course I freakin’ am! You don’t have to stress the obvious. That’s being redundant.

 

I’m a friggin’ yuppie in his early twenties but looks even younger than his age, sometimes mistaken for a scrawny 17-year-old virgin and as such, I have decided to become eternally twenty to be on the safe side. I am slaving the ephemeral call center whoring job as of the moment but one day, I will become a fuckin’ proud CPA topnotcher. Being a perfectionist who does not conform to stereotypes and anything commonplace, I abhor senseless, pointless discussions by nitwits but adore intellectual discourses from remarkable geniuses in the same league with the caliber of my neurons and synapses.

 


I like wearing black shirts even if black is not a color and I love drinking Red Horse booze with pineapple syrup or GSM Blue enhanced by acerbic Sprite when the night is hugged by penis-shrinking coldness in Baguio. I am left-handed and I like to draw but that does not mean I am dumb at Math. Along with English, Math was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I love to watch anything shocking, gross and bizarre; in fact, I find scenes of decapitated heads and messy, blood-soaked innards oddly engaging. I think I'm eclectic.

 


When my half-Chinese dad chickened out, I got robbed of my childhood phase real quick and was forced to live out the family man title. That was also the time that I bade goodbye to the princely way of living in Manila and said hello to the clusterfuck pauper proletariat life in the province. Being the smartass that I am, I excelled academically and graduated half-wishing I had a worthy adversary in the mold of Einstein or da Vinci to sharpen my not-fully-developed cranial muscles. But if you ask me of my biggest achievement so far, I would have to tell you that’s when I sent my sister to schooling and saw her taking her oath as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer. I chose to put my dreams in the back seat for her, you see.

 


When I was still in school, I thought my seatmates were drooling retards and I was an effin’ superior child unworthy to be kept inside such a fucked up pig pen. For chrissake, I deserve something far better than those freakin’ bozos! So if I could choose who I want to share the claustrophobic classroom with, I’d pick Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Jessica Zafra, Patricia Evangelista, Conrado de Quiroz, Bob Ong and Scott Garceau hands down. They’re authors, if you’re that stupid, by the way.

 

I do not possess the vapid handsomely looks of dumb celebrity stars (they only have the looks but they don’t have that thing in between the ears, anyway) but I am not ugly either. I think I’m cute and as in my penis, my looks could be thrown up there in the above-average file. I am narcissistic and unsurprisingly, I find satisfaction in looking at myself in mirrors. There’s one flaw in my nearly perfect personality though. I am horizontally-challenged and that actually makes me less handsome than I should be. People have been telling me that had I been given a mesomorph frame, I would surely qualify as a handsome dork. Fine, I’ll hit the gym once I find the time. But then again, I’ve always been busy.

 P1170442 copy.jpg 

 

I love writing and someday, when I’ve already reached the stars and danced under stardust sprinkles, I will write the Great Filipino Novel that will put the Philippines in the world literary map. In the meantime though, I content myself with polluting the Internet bandwidth with fuck-me-Freddy rants and unlimited R18 invectives.


I am a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse and this blog is my first attempt in realizing my idiosyncratic world domination plots. There are currently almost 6.7 billion suckers lurking out there contributing nothing to society but vomit-inducing stupidity. Most of these people are worthy to be guillotined to death for harking out such idiotic yadda yadda's.

 

If you believe in this horrendous truth, then join me in ridding the macrocosm of these useless, pathetic twits. If you're the twit, though, go find someone to savor your last fornication on earth and then prepare to be annihilated. The world will be a better place to live in without you, anyway.



This is my blog. You either love me or hate me. Adding me in your blog roll list is fine but don't expect that I will publish your effin' you're-going-to-hell comment. And yes, I don't do ex-links. That's being pathetic. The blogs in my  blog roll are those that I peruse regularly and normally, I don't tell these people I've added them in the list. If you find that offending or for whatever reason, you feel it is an invasion of your privacy rights, just let me know. I'll scrap your site in the list real quick. Otherwise, consider it a form of flattery.

 

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I AM NOW WILLING TO DO EX-LINKS. ALL THESE BLOGGERS WHO WILLINGLY PERUSED THIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLOG MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND. SO YES, YOU CAN NOW COMMENT USING A "NICE POST! EX-LINK?" TEMPLATE. HAPPY?

 

Caution: Breathing the SSDD Mantra is my idiosyncrasy in print. If you can't take the heat in this ranting oven, close the tab and  go screw your next-door neighbor's wife, you pathetic little twit!

 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

1_300566795l. jpg

 

douche bag diatribe unlmtd.

go friggin' plagiarize others' works instead

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

been harry pottered since the philosopher's and when the saga died down in deathly hallows, i got pottered just the same...sigh!

one effin' proof why pinoys are waaay more superior than their occidental brethrens in the history of friggin' humanity

shaving off the angst-ridden bastardness in me (play with my hamster using your mouse pointer)

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pacman:

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Moyra Parker:

Dear,s

“RJR Beauty Ind” is an established company involved in
Manufacturing and Exporting of high quality “Manicure/Pedicure,
Beauty care & Beauty Salons instruments”. We are supplying
following products worldwide Barber Scissor Edge T.C Titanium
Scissors Nail & Cuticle Scissors Nail & Cuticle Nippers Nail &
Cuticle Pushers Nail Cutters Acrylic Nail Tip Cutters
Manicure/Pedicure Kits Tweezers Kindly visit for more products
information
Thank you,

Moyra Parker
General Manager

Web: www.rjr-beauty.com
E-mail: info@rjr-beauty.com
rjrbeauty@hotmail.com

mai:

iloveyou. fuck me

mai:

hi pasukan mo nga ko.

toni:

gusto namin pmnta ng dasol (tambobong beach) meron bang place dun to stay overnight or any contact?

ssdd:

Damn, thank you for such strong flattery madam! You may want to stalk me still at thessddboy.com

cat:

You are so damn right. you’re extraordinarily talented. :)

YanaH:

oist adik!!!!!!! san ka? baket hindi ka maramdaman ng blogworld? hahahahaha

ssdd:

@vanvan & kitkat: wag mag-away…alang alang sa alaala ni master rapper kiko. mahal ko ang lahat ng bumibisita sa walang kwentang kutang ‘to. powerhugz! :D

~kitkat~:

@vanvan hehe kakompetensya din pla kita??? aw wlang dirty game ha…hahahhaha bsta ako lab ko c lio loco aalagaan ko sya…hndi ko sya kras mahal ko c lioloco lab ko yan mwah!!! honeykooch ko yan e ^_^

vanvan:

ngwaste ako ng golden time sa pagbabasa ng mga nakasulat dito..me lablayp ka na pala..wala ka man lang warning..bad lio loco loco..sabi ko na nga ba eh..i should be over you!!..aheks..pakiss nga..dami dami naman kasing ngkakras sau..kakaloka..

~kitkat~:

honeykooch mahilig k pla uminom??? wag ka masyado magiinum kc nakakalaki ng tyan tapos bka macra ung atay mo ^_^ paalala lng drink moderately kc lab kita mwah!! ayoko magkasakit ka dahil sa alak mwah!!! ingat k plagi ha mwah!

~kitkat~:

eneweis miss u mwah lab u!!! ingat k plagi ha ^_^ God Bless mmmmwwwaaahhhhhuuugggzzz!!!!

~kitkat~:

natutuliro knb saken hehehehe gsto ko yan pero mas gsto ko ung naiinlab kn saken hahahahhaha ang kapal ko noh dpa nmn tyu magkakilala personally..tsk panu nmn kita makikilala e wla nko sa makati pero ok lng kc maghahanap ako ng trabaho dyan dyan lng din sa makati hahahha bibili nko ng dyaryo bukas manila bulletin am shore madami dun hehehehhe kya bka magkasalabungan n ulet tyu sa daan un nga lng dko alam ikaw n pla un…hehhehehehe

~kitkat~:

ah e na layoff nko…ngayun ko lng nabsa ang powerhugz msg mo kya wla nko trabaho so sad..dko nga alam anu mararamdaman ko e nagaalala kc ako bka mauubos ko ung separation pay ko ng wla prin akong trabho hahahahha pero alam ko n madami akong pedeng patusin n trabaho kc mdami cla dyan hahahahahahha un lng e kung papatusin din nila ako dba ganun lng un hahhahaha

ssdd:

@~kitkat~: natutuliro naman daw ako sa’yo. di ko alam kung dito o sa taas na shoutbox ako magrereply. ahehehe. dayoff ko ngayon. kaya inuman galore. hehehe. recession na ba jan? tsk tsk. sana hindi ka naman matanggal. mahirap alang trabaho ngayon eh. eto ang powerhugs pang-goodluck charm! hehehe. powerhugz! :D

~kitkat~:

hahahahha gsto ko yan powerhugz mo yum!!! hahahahahaha kras mo pla c sara geronimo wweeee wla lng…
kmusta k nmn??? musta kn dyan sa work mo??? d2 samen e nagtatanggalan na e…tapos napanaginipan ko n nagsara na tapos ako lng daw ang hndi binayran tsk tsk tsk masakit un dba…buti nlng at panaginip lng lahat…uu nga pla mahilig kb sa computer games???

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