Breathing The SSDD Mantra

chronicling the raves and rants of a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse as he drifts to the SSDD mantra... life can be boring, especially if you're bland to begin with. the world is round and it can make you a fool if you let it. stab the snooze. make a mark. crawl out of your TV celluloid and live a wicked life. because life's a bitch and you have to be a bitchier fuck-me-Freddy to live. viva la vida!

Home » Post Item » Time Turner Number 6: *The Love Bus

Time Turner Number 6: *The Love Bus

November 20, 2008

I’m beginning to feel inebriated…not by the spirit of booze but by the feeling of love.

I suppose I should be thankful to whoever rules this limitless cosmos because SHE has finally come, right? SHE, the woman I have come to realize is the cause of my being, the breadth of my narrowness, the fire in my numb coldness, has finally entered the realm of my ethereal consciousness. SHE, who has come to change my cynical personality, who has made me a clone of the very people I then despise for being crazy slaves of amorous feelings, has plucked me from the tree of narcissistic selfishness.

But now, I am in deep sorrow and in constant agony. For the woman I have finally learned to love at long last doesn’t believe in my altruistic revelation. SHE has struck me with the dagger of distrust and hesitation, burying the sharp glint of flightiness into the core of my hurting soul. If this is love, then I dare say I wish I wouldn’t have felt it at all. For the pain and the agony of waiting is slowly, little by little, inch by inch, tearing me apart. SHE said this is only a passing of my fancy, a temporal feeling that will no sooner fade than the leaves of fall.

But I say this is not. I am certain about it and if it need be that I will have to wait for the end of time, for eternity, for an orange to grow in an apple tree, then so be it. I will not yield. I will wait even if it means forever. I have only one wish - that is for HER not to tell me to let go. Because if that accursed and unfortunate time brings to pass, I will drown myself into the mire of solitude. Even if it crushes my soul, even if it hurts, I will bring HER wish for me to depart from HER sphere of consciousness into being. If that will give HER peace and bliss, then I will be more than willing to suppress my own happiness.

This is the ultimate rule of love - if the person you love bids you adieu, in spite of everything you tried to make HER change HER will, then never hesitate to let go. Even if your world suddenly becomes ruined. Even if your being inevitably collapses. Even if your world crumbles. Because it is HER wish. It is HER ardent desire. If it will be the only thing that will bring HER happiness, who are you to hold it? 

Now the bus is already in motion. Slowly, it will progress. And where the uncertain destination will be, the passenger should not care. As long as he knows that he has made it clear where he wants to go, as long as he is not told to get off the bus, he must never lose hope. He must continue to hold on to his ardent desire to make it to the destination he has declared to go. He must not be bothered whether the uncertain final destination turns out to be the place he has wished to be in from the start of the tour or a deep ravine that will forever take his soul into the abyss of solitude and despair.

 *I wrote this post when I was deeply in love with one woman in college. I knew it was love because I did crazy things that, under normal circumstances, I would not even try firsthand. I trashed my serious, don’t-mess-with-me persona in exchange of her whims and fancy. I courted her, gave her flowers, did all those stuff every guy does to make a girl swoon. But her test was too hard and long that I gave up and lost all hope eventually. Only to  find out after many months of se paration that she was falling for me already and had I not say quits before, we should have been in a relationship by now. Talk about life being a bitch.

Posted by ssdd at 6:44 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

hay buhay..

sayang.. pero ganyan talaga..

next time wag kang susuko..

eto beer! tagay mo na lang…

Posted by FerBert at November 24, 2008, 9:44 pm

@ ferbert: hay buhay talaga. akalain mo un. lab op maylayp na, naging bato pa! next time, hindi na talaga ko susuko. susunggaban ko na. lol! oo. nagpakalasing nga ako nung taym na un. at umiyak dahil sa isang babae. naknambuhay talaga!

Posted by ssdd at November 25, 2008, 5:28 am

*opens a bottle of red horse*

mahaba habang usapan siguro pag magkasama tayo. i can so relate :)

Posted by tinay at November 28, 2008, 8:57 pm

@tinay: *kampay sa bote ng stallion* malamang sa malamang. salamat sa pagdaan! :D

Posted by ssdd at November 29, 2008, 12:58 am

thats life.. malungkot peo masaya enjoy life to the fullest, next tym be patience enough para indi masayang ang effort. Gudlak sa susunod mung buhay pag-ibig ^_^_

Posted by nitz at December 18, 2008, 1:18 pm

@nitz: thanks for your two-cents-worth. pacenxa na pero pessimist ako. malungkot para sakin ang buhay. yeah, next time i will definitely be patient enough! :)

Posted by ssdd at December 18, 2008, 2:20 pm

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ain't this friggin' narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard cute?

anonymous.jpg

 

A lot of people tell me I’m special. Of course I freakin’ am! You don’t have to stress the obvious. That’s being redundant.

 

I’m a friggin’ yuppie in his early twenties but looks even younger than his age, sometimes mistaken for a scrawny 17-year-old virgin and as such, I have decided to become eternally twenty to be on the safe side. I am slaving the ephemeral call center whoring job as of the moment but one day, I will become a fuckin’ proud CPA topnotcher. Being a perfectionist who does not conform to stereotypes and anything commonplace, I abhor senseless, pointless discussions by nitwits but adore intellectual discourses from remarkable geniuses in the same league with the caliber of my neurons and synapses.

 


I like wearing black shirts even if black is not a color and I love drinking Red Horse booze with pineapple syrup or GSM Blue enhanced by acerbic Sprite when the night is hugged by penis-shrinking coldness in Baguio. I am left-handed and I like to draw but that does not mean I am dumb at Math. Along with English, Math was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I love to watch anything shocking, gross and bizarre; in fact, I find scenes of decapitated heads and messy, blood-soaked innards oddly engaging. I think I'm eclectic.

 


When my half-Chinese dad chickened out, I got robbed of my childhood phase real quick and was forced to live out the family man title. That was also the time that I bade goodbye to the princely way of living in Manila and said hello to the clusterfuck pauper proletariat life in the province. Being the smartass that I am, I excelled academically and graduated half-wishing I had a worthy adversary in the mold of Einstein or da Vinci to sharpen my not-fully-developed cranial muscles. But if you ask me of my biggest achievement so far, I would have to tell you that’s when I sent my sister to schooling and saw her taking her oath as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer. I chose to put my dreams in the back seat for her, you see.

 


When I was still in school, I thought my seatmates were drooling retards and I was an effin’ superior child unworthy to be kept inside such a fucked up pig pen. For chrissake, I deserve something far better than those freakin’ bozos! So if I could choose who I want to share the claustrophobic classroom with, I’d pick Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Jessica Zafra, Patricia Evangelista, Conrado de Quiroz, Bob Ong and Scott Garceau hands down. They’re authors, if you’re that stupid, by the way.

 

I do not possess the vapid handsomely looks of dumb celebrity stars (they only have the looks but they don’t have that thing in between the ears, anyway) but I am not ugly either. I think I’m cute and as in my penis, my looks could be thrown up there in the above-average file. I am narcissistic and unsurprisingly, I find satisfaction in looking at myself in mirrors. There’s one flaw in my nearly perfect personality though. I am horizontally-challenged and that actually makes me less handsome than I should be. People have been telling me that had I been given a mesomorph frame, I would surely qualify as a handsome dork. Fine, I’ll hit the gym once I find the time. But then again, I’ve always been busy.

 P1170442 copy.jpg 

 

I love writing and someday, when I’ve already reached the stars and danced under stardust sprinkles, I will write the Great Filipino Novel that will put the Philippines in the world literary map. In the meantime though, I content myself with polluting the Internet bandwidth with fuck-me-Freddy rants and unlimited R18 invectives.


I am a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse and this blog is my first attempt in realizing my idiosyncratic world domination plots. There are currently almost 6.7 billion suckers lurking out there contributing nothing to society but vomit-inducing stupidity. Most of these people are worthy to be guillotined to death for harking out such idiotic yadda yadda's.

 

If you believe in this horrendous truth, then join me in ridding the macrocosm of these useless, pathetic twits. If you're the twit, though, go find someone to savor your last fornication on earth and then prepare to be annihilated. The world will be a better place to live in without you, anyway.



This is my blog. You either love me or hate me. Adding me in your blog roll list is fine but don't expect that I will publish your effin' you're-going-to-hell comment. And yes, I don't do ex-links. That's being pathetic. The blogs in my  blog roll are those that I peruse regularly and normally, I don't tell these people I've added them in the list. If you find that offending or for whatever reason, you feel it is an invasion of your privacy rights, just let me know. I'll scrap your site in the list real quick. Otherwise, consider it a form of flattery.

 

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I AM NOW WILLING TO DO EX-LINKS. ALL THESE BLOGGERS WHO WILLINGLY PERUSED THIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLOG MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND. SO YES, YOU CAN NOW COMMENT USING A "NICE POST! EX-LINK?" TEMPLATE. HAPPY?

 

Caution: Breathing the SSDD Mantra is my idiosyncrasy in print. If you can't take the heat in this ranting oven, close the tab and  go screw your next-door neighbor's wife, you pathetic little twit!

 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

1_300566795l. jpg

 

douche bag diatribe unlmtd.

go friggin' plagiarize others' works instead

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

been harry pottered since the philosopher's and when the saga died down in deathly hallows, i got pottered just the same...sigh!

one effin' proof why pinoys are waaay more superior than their occidental brethrens in the history of friggin' humanity

shaving off the angst-ridden bastardness in me (play with my hamster using your mouse pointer)

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