Snippets of CPAs (Cries, Pains, and Agonies, That Is)*

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Snippets of CPAs (Cries, Pains, and Agonies, That Is)*

October 22, 2008

The atmosphere is enveloped with an odd mixture of sweat and strong scent, the former conquering the latter’s presence as each minute ticks on the clock, as each square meter of the looped area is filled to the brim by rumer-mongers and anxious post-examinees. The sight of people bustling, jostling to take a good view on the standard-sized coupon bonds numerically posted on the board can be nauseous but I am staying my ground. Feeling groggy about having slept for only four hours, I drag my feet and swim through the sea of expectant onlookers. Like Moses in the Red Sea, I cross the seemingly endless mass of heads to search for names.

Gawd, the result must be worth my sleep-deprived day, I say to myself. Let the name-hunting begin.

I am with three friends (whom I shall name Manggang Piko, Melong Mabilog, and Santol na Malibog) to browse through more than 40 sheets of paper scattered conspicuously all over the center’s walls. Santol na Malibog, one of the more courageous pals is, thank-god-jeezuzcrist, already done with the tortuous ritual, having passed the Exams last year. She is relieved to have overcome such torture but the other two are far from emulating her cool stance. In fact, as it happens, both of them are in a state of mental diarrhea, a picture of overly anxious souls who either wished this day has never come or they have never been born.

It does not help that around us the atrocity of the two-week, two-days-in-a-week, two-subjects-in-a-day exams is beginning to pile up. While on our way to the place-that-must-not-be-spoken, we were already greeted with a scary sight of a runnning woman oblivious of the people around her and the vehicles that could have possibly delivered her straight to the morgue. She was in tears but I thought she looked cute. Only such agony, such irrepressible anguish could do that. I am certain she flunked the exams but as to the certainty of her slashing wrists tonight I’m putting a slight trace of doubt. Otherwise, she may just end up wallowing in self-deprecation, as if damning her soul would bring anything positive in her already demented psyche.

Right now, though, I am astounded by how much frailty and weakness and emotional instability people can display in public under such pressuring circumstances. At my right, I find a petite woman being consoled by her brawnish beau, the former numbing her ducts out on his arms while the latter caressing her endlessly like a pedophile-addicted uncle giving some candy to a crying nephew; I find the boyfriend’s action faked and heavily made up, every inch a clear indication not of love but of lust.
On one corner are two ladies seated at sturdy monobloc chairs, cellphones on one hand and hankies on the other, calling their moms and telling their folks in between sobs that they did poorly in the exams and that they wished it is already the Apocalypse because what they’re suffering from as of the moment is more than they could bare. It is interesting to note the striking contrast between the monoblocs’ solid attributes and the weak character of the very people occupying them. I wish they know what I’m thinking. I would love to tell them how stupid they are to take the exams when they’re not even ready yet. You take your chances, you deal with the consequences. For chrissake, don’t be such whining pussies!

Incredulous is the way I see it when I overhear snippets of a conversation between a mom and a daughter on another corner. Here is how it goes (translated from vernacular):

Daughter: I think I kind of shaded the portions that need not be shaded. I mean…

Mom: What?! Are you sure?

D: Well, I can’t decide which letter is correct so I kept changing answers and in the process, there we’re a lot of smudges on my paper. So…

M: So, the computer might have…

Dumb: So, I guess the computer checker didn’t really recognize which is which because it was confused which among them is my answer…

Moron: So, that means you could have passed the exams then?

Dumb: I guess so.

Moron: So that’s the reason why you’re name’s not on the list.

Dumb: I guess so.

Moron: So we can file for dispute then?

Dumb: I guess so.

Moral of the story: When people can’t find their way out of a mess, they will invent absurd reasons — asking the constellations, observing the star alignments — to put the blame to anyone but them. And yes, no matter how seemingly for-the respectable-IQs-only a course may be, there will always be bad, rotten apples. Oh, and one more thing: moms will always believe their children even if their offsprings happen to be the greatest liar con artists ever born in the universe.

Enough of the absurdities. So there we are, me, myself, and my overly anxious, about-to-freak-out friends, trying desperately to get closer to the gawddamn papers in the gawddamn walls and so far we are unsuccessful. The swirling smell of pugnacious sweat and scent is preventing us from getting near the damn results boards. However, the brazen badass that I am, I shove my idle hands up Eve’s descendants’ nice booties and firm boobies and lo and behold, we finally see the mob clearing and the names appearing. With more than 3,000 names to wade through, we search for the surnames Manggang Piko and Melong Mabilog first and find ourselves stuck on one dimly lit corner.

The names are printed minutely. There are two passers having the same Manggang Piko surname and by estimate, about half-dozen Melong Mabilog last name. I find one Garcia with a first name that we are familiar with but I dare not to be so unmistakably sure. For all I know, there could be a dozen Catherine Garcias in this side of the planet. “Does your middle name sound like scrotum?” I ask Melong Mabilog. Before I could even finish the question, she is already in a state of delusion, shrieking like a mad hyena. I give a gleeful sigh. One down, one to go.

I look at Manggang Piko. I am hoping the good karma extends to him as well. To him who has put so much effort, so much sweat and blood and masturbation juice for the entire six-month review duration. Gawd knows how much he longed for that three-letter title. But sometimes life knows how to disappoint. It is not always fair and yes, it can be bitchy. I glance back and what I see is a pair of sunken eyes with lachrymal glands working double time to release the agony and frustration.

I do not console him though. I do not utter some arse-kissing that-is-okay-I-know-where-you’re-coming-from litany. I do not say I understand because in truth, I have not tried taking the freakin’ exams yet. But soon I will. In the mean time, he needs to breathe. He needs to stay in one corner and have the friggin’ reality sink in. He needs to compose himself no matter how hideous it may be. Because life must inevitably go on. Because life’s a bitch and to live means to be bitchier.

So much about false expectations.

*A day after taking the CPA Board, my friends and I proceeded to check the results in the review center where two of my friends enrolled. The result was bitter-sweet: Melong Mabilog passed while Manggang Piko failed. Next year, I will be subjected to such tormenting ordeal as well. Wish me luck!

Posted by ssdd at 1:42 am | permalink

Previous Comments

Er dadi.. alin ba ako dun? melong mabilog o santol na malibog hehehe?

Posted by catherine at October 23, 2008, 2:10 pm

@cat: sikretong malupeet! hulaan mo baby. hehehehe. sa tingin mo, ano ka ba — mabilog o malibog? hehehe.

Posted by ssdd at October 24, 2008, 8:52 pm

sa psychology, ratinalization ang tawag doon sa mga taong mahilig gumawa ng kung ano ano para mabaligtad ang kwento.. isa itong defense mechanism

Posted by FerBert at October 27, 2008, 3:47 am

tama ka nga sir ferbert. rationalization na mas nagmumukang irrational dahil hindi naman logical. ang sa akin lang, kung talagang hindi ka pumasa, tanggapin mo nang walang pag iimbot at hindi kung anu anong pukenginang katarantaduhan ang gagawin mong alibi. accept the truth, wag maging kupal. lol.

Posted by ssdd at October 27, 2008, 5:25 am

Hi ulit hmmm its me nitz…naranasan ko na rin yang bumagsak sa exam(cpa board) hahaha nakakapanghina at nakakatorture sa utak nung malaman kong indi ako pumasa..hahaha i cried once pero indi ung cry na hagulgul huh..ung para lang sumasakit ang aking ngipin ung bang palihim heheh yaw ko makita kc ng world na sobrang affected ako kc napag-isip isip ko rin na mali ako that tym..im working tapos nagrereview sa gabi hayz. Ganyan talaga ang buhay cguro indi pa tym ni manggang piko(resty ba toh??) ^_^ congratz kay kat cpa ka na kapatid(tawag ko kay resty) see you next tym..kay ssdd kapatid nice blog…for sure parati me magbabasa d2.

Posted by nitz at December 18, 2008, 6:49 pm

@nitz: wow! salamat ule sa pagdaan. may loyal reader ule ako. ngaun tatlo na kayo. ikaw, ako at ang egotistic, narcissistic ego ko. hehehe. teka, ikaw pala ung kaibigan ni papa resty. ah, naalala ko na. hehehe. mabuti naman at narealize mo na ang pagkakamali mo. next time wag mo nang uulitin ha. kasi pag inulit mo pa, babatukan na kita. hehe. hindi sinasayang ang pagkakataong maging cpa. kelangan seryosohin yan ate. wag pagsasabayin ang work sa review. hehehe. salamat ule sa pag-appreciate na produkto ng neurotic kong pag iisip. yaan nio te. dadalasan ko ang pagba-blog para mas marami kaung mabasang mga mura. hehehe.

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